Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Last night I had a terrifying dream. I was being attacked by little skeletal beasts. I jolted awake at 6:50 and couldn't get back to sleep. I cried a little. Checked the scale and I'm at 130 again. I think. My scale isn't very reliable anymore. I need to look at myself...Where ever I go, I see myself walking in the reflection of the glass. I pick out every flaw. Every portion of fat. My mangled stomach and prominent ribs/hips. I hate my cankles. I have a fat head/neck. Then I move along, keeping that horrible image in my head. Am I the only person who does that? I also stare at legs when I walk in the hallway, comparing sizes to my own. I'll look at someone and say in my head, "I'm fatter than her." Then I continue forward with a dark look on my face. My boyfriend says it looks like I hate myself. 
He got me spot on.
In fact, it's a little depressing. 

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