Sunday, May 15, 2011

i cant do this anymore.
i cant stop throwing up.
i cant stop counting calories.
i cant stop checking my scale...

i am forced to drink nutrition shakes in front of my dad twice a day.
he sniffs the toilet every time i use the restroom to make sure i dont throw up.
i am in hell.

i weigh 115lbs now.

i feel like a fat ass though...

i hate myself now.
i hate this obsession...
i'd rather be dead.
i cant carry out a single fucking conversation with my family without talk of my fucking disorder.

i'm going to the doctor next monday.
there, my dad is sending me to a nutritionist and a therapist.
they cant help me.
no one can...

someone... please help me...


  1. Sounds really scary. Hopefully, seeing someone will help. Maybe recovery will be a good thing?

  2. You're beautiful! Stay strong!

  3. Oh lady! Im sorry things are so difficult right now and I know how much it sucks to have parents/loved ones watching your every move. They are afraid for you and do it out of love, although I think they might be going able helping you in the incorrect way. If you hate doing this everyday, and hate yourself for the disorder, maybe its time to break down some barriers and ask for help. Even just talking to a counselor can realllly help! and get your dad off your case too!!!
    Chin up lady!

  4. Baby, You can't give up. I know sometimes is very hard but look how far you're now.
    Don't give up. Try one more time. Try better and one day you will be so skinny.
    If you really want something You can do it.
    Stay Strong My Dear.
    I'm with You.

  5. Remember, there are people who love you and support you no matter what choices you make. We care and wish you nothing but happiness. You are strong and can meet your goals, whether they're weight loss or recovery!

  6. stay strong and try to stay healthy :( and you are not fat.